It's the last day of 2006. This has been a very full year for me. Many changes. I think every year I learn something and so I wonder what is the knowledge I have earned.
Experience is more important to me than comfort.
I have chosen to live my life in service to art, truth, movement, and exploration.
I love London.
Everyone is responsible for the forward movement of their life.
I am a performer. I am not ready to be a director.
I am a paradox of grounded insanity and responsible chaos.
I have great strength and beauty.
I need to focus on the details, I have a good grasp on the exspansive and free.
Confinement teaches you some of the best lessons. Freedom, though wonderful and essential, teaches you less about yourself. Freedom is the reward of confinement.
I love my family. I love having a community. I am a social creature.
In Spanish, you say that you wash your teeth (lavar) instead of brushing them.
Love is hard, illogical, and completely rooted in the body, not necessarily in the mind. Thinking about emotions is like trying to race with your reflection.
What about you?
Images that move me
by Langdon Graves
Friday, December 29, 2006
I was reading today and came across a very striking quote.
"What luck for rulers that men do not think." - Adolf Hitler
Muh love to all my thinking friends out there.
"What luck for rulers that men do not think." - Adolf Hitler
Muh love to all my thinking friends out there.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
I am officially on vacation. My last day of work was yesterday and school ended the week before. This christmas break has been all about recuperation. I got a bacterial infection in my throat two days after school ended and so I am currently eating penicillin four times a day. Also, I haven't had the urge for the past week to drink and be merry. I have mostly wanted to be at home, make a good meal and share it with two or three friends. Maybe that has something to do with the being sick thing. I'm a little messed up emotionally in all the right ways. I miss my family and friend in Oregon, I miss my family and friends here, I miss my good health and I miss school.
Anyways, it has become freezing here. Below zero in celsius, which is the temperature at which water freezes. You can see your breath, you don't see the sky, and there is fog everywhere, this isn't helped by the fact that everywhere in the news here in London (DISCLAIMER: MOM don't worry.) there is news about a guy who is copying Jack the Ripper by killing prostitutes. (MOM don't worry because I'm not a prostitute.) The police have arrested four men (each one gets a disgusting tabloid splash of press) but they haven't said that they think they have captured the guy. But the whole thing, combined with the weather has made me feel like winter is here and I'm really in London.
I'm in love with this city. There are beautiful contradictions everyday from simply the mix of Architecture, the mix of people and cultures, to the hundreds of dramatic moments I experience on the tube, in the street, and with my friends. It's lovely here. I want to stay forever. I've never felt at home in a city so quickly, nor have I ever had such a loving support family of friends so quickly. Natali and Marta, two of my flatmates, have gone home for Christmas and won't be back till January. It's just me and Ruben in the house.
A bunch of my classmates are getting together for a slumber party for Christmas. Food, drink and lots of people sounds like a good time. I do miss my family and I'm sad I won't see them, but I'm going to try to video chat with them if I can find someone there that knows about computers a little. Maybe my brother. I miss the Patterson De Tarr family as well, I've spent the last three years at their house for the holidays and so I have to admit that I miss their festivities as well. I hope they are happy and doing well.
Now I have two weeks of nothing to do. I thought I would go crazy and do silliness but I find that my usual partners in crime are either sick like me or out of the city for the Holidays. Recuperation is good. I think I'll go to Museums. Ruben wants to rent a car and drive up to Stonehenge between Christmas and New Years. Sounds kind of fun.
I love you all and have Happy Holidays. I wish you warm homes, happy hearts, and good health.
Anyways, it has become freezing here. Below zero in celsius, which is the temperature at which water freezes. You can see your breath, you don't see the sky, and there is fog everywhere, this isn't helped by the fact that everywhere in the news here in London (DISCLAIMER: MOM don't worry.) there is news about a guy who is copying Jack the Ripper by killing prostitutes. (MOM don't worry because I'm not a prostitute.) The police have arrested four men (each one gets a disgusting tabloid splash of press) but they haven't said that they think they have captured the guy. But the whole thing, combined with the weather has made me feel like winter is here and I'm really in London.
I'm in love with this city. There are beautiful contradictions everyday from simply the mix of Architecture, the mix of people and cultures, to the hundreds of dramatic moments I experience on the tube, in the street, and with my friends. It's lovely here. I want to stay forever. I've never felt at home in a city so quickly, nor have I ever had such a loving support family of friends so quickly. Natali and Marta, two of my flatmates, have gone home for Christmas and won't be back till January. It's just me and Ruben in the house.
A bunch of my classmates are getting together for a slumber party for Christmas. Food, drink and lots of people sounds like a good time. I do miss my family and I'm sad I won't see them, but I'm going to try to video chat with them if I can find someone there that knows about computers a little. Maybe my brother. I miss the Patterson De Tarr family as well, I've spent the last three years at their house for the holidays and so I have to admit that I miss their festivities as well. I hope they are happy and doing well.
Now I have two weeks of nothing to do. I thought I would go crazy and do silliness but I find that my usual partners in crime are either sick like me or out of the city for the Holidays. Recuperation is good. I think I'll go to Museums. Ruben wants to rent a car and drive up to Stonehenge between Christmas and New Years. Sounds kind of fun.
I love you all and have Happy Holidays. I wish you warm homes, happy hearts, and good health.
The Tube
Here is a video of my wonderful Flatmate, Ruben, from Mexico City. We were on the tube and I had my camera. He is a beautiful mover. The girl is Marta, my other flatmate. They got 10p!
Friday, December 22, 2006
London, Flatmates, and Butterflies
Here is a montage of my flatmates, london, and a leaf we found that looks like a Butterfly.
Web Chat. The Technology of the World is so Amazing.
So, if you have MSN Messenger we could have a conversation where you see and hear me!!!! I've figured out that my camcorder works with MSN messenger but not with Skype. Oh well, same difference. They do the same thing. So if you have MSN messenger, look me up under Dweezleroo@msn.com.
We can't chat as if we were big CEOs, bleck. Much Love!!
So, if you have MSN Messenger we could have a conversation where you see and hear me!!!! I've figured out that my camcorder works with MSN messenger but not with Skype. Oh well, same difference. They do the same thing. So if you have MSN messenger, look me up under Dweezleroo@msn.com.
We can't chat as if we were big CEOs, bleck. Much Love!!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Free Will Astrology for this week.....
I've been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic offering might put you in the right mood to deal proactively with potential problems in 2007? I've decided on a set of those specially-designed clothes-storage bags that allow you to suck all the air out, compressing your sweaters and pants so that they take up significantly less space in your luggage or closet. Hopefully these bags would inspire you to come up with creative applications of the "less is more" principle, which will be a recurring theme for you in the coming months.
I've been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic offering might put you in the right mood to deal proactively with potential problems in 2007? I've decided on a set of those specially-designed clothes-storage bags that allow you to suck all the air out, compressing your sweaters and pants so that they take up significantly less space in your luggage or closet. Hopefully these bags would inspire you to come up with creative applications of the "less is more" principle, which will be a recurring theme for you in the coming months.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The Journey
by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
In School we are going to be exploring poetry and art to discover movement and poetics. So, in lieu of that experience, I am going to start posting poetry and art that inspires me on my blog to share it with you and have central place to be inspired from.
Much Love, Jillian
"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
"In Mind" by Denise Levertov
There's in my mind a woman
of innocence, unadorned but
fair-featured and smelling of
apples or grass. She wears
a utopian smock or shift, her hair
is light brown and smooth, and she
is kind and very clean without
ostentation--
but she has
no imagination
And there's a
turbulent moon-ridden girl
or old woman, or both,
dressed in opals and rags, feathers
and torn taffeta,
who knows strange songs
but she is not kind.
Much Love, Jillian
"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
"In Mind" by Denise Levertov
There's in my mind a woman
of innocence, unadorned but
fair-featured and smelling of
apples or grass. She wears
a utopian smock or shift, her hair
is light brown and smooth, and she
is kind and very clean without
ostentation--
but she has
no imagination
And there's a
turbulent moon-ridden girl
or old woman, or both,
dressed in opals and rags, feathers
and torn taffeta,
who knows strange songs
but she is not kind.
Free Will Astrology Cancer Horoscope for week of December 14, 2006
Imagine you're with a team of explorers in Antarctica. You're climbing the 2,000-foot granite spire called Rakekniven that thrusts up out of the ice in Queen Maud Land. The temperature is ten degrees below zero. There's not a plant or animal in sight. The blinding white emptiness of the wasteland beneath you fills you with desolate reverence, alienated awe, and soaring gratitude. As far as you are from everything that normally gives you comfort, you've rarely felt stronger or more alive. Got that scene in your mind's eye, Cancerian? Though you won't experience it literally, I bet you'll experience emotions similar to those you'd have if you did.
Ummm........I think I am experiencing that literally, without the snow.
Imagine you're with a team of explorers in Antarctica. You're climbing the 2,000-foot granite spire called Rakekniven that thrusts up out of the ice in Queen Maud Land. The temperature is ten degrees below zero. There's not a plant or animal in sight. The blinding white emptiness of the wasteland beneath you fills you with desolate reverence, alienated awe, and soaring gratitude. As far as you are from everything that normally gives you comfort, you've rarely felt stronger or more alive. Got that scene in your mind's eye, Cancerian? Though you won't experience it literally, I bet you'll experience emotions similar to those you'd have if you did.
Ummm........I think I am experiencing that literally, without the snow.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
This is video of my new home. The red head is my roommate Natalie from Puerto rico. She is gorgeous. The girl with the red glasses is Marta, from Portugal. She is gorgeous as well and hilarious. The curly haired boy is Jonas, he is Marta's (and now our friend too) friend from Portugal. He is not in LISPA. He is a singer. His voice is angelic. The tall curly haired guy is another of Marta's friends, Gonzalo, he stayed with us for a couple weeks. A very, VERY good housemate.
Anyways, much love, Jillian
I am going to endeavor to put pictures of my friends and classmates on my blog. Here is the first installment.
This is Karim (New York) and Pablo (Argentina, you can see more of him in my house party video). And the lovely lady with the guitar is Carrie (Nebraska). We got our guitars together. I like to jam with Carrie......
This is Karim (New York) and Pablo (Argentina, you can see more of him in my house party video). And the lovely lady with the guitar is Carrie (Nebraska). We got our guitars together. I like to jam with Carrie......
Monday, December 04, 2006
I want all of my friends to buy a ticket to London right now. You will arrive and I will take you this Art Installation:
http://www.hauserwirth.com/exhibitions/index.php?showone=1&exhibition_id=415&setloc=LONDON
Don't go through the pictures if you intend to go through the installation. The pictures tell you nothing of the experience and the journey of going throught his installation. It's mind blowing. It's a mix of a labryinth, set design, theme park, crime scene, privacy invasion, sweat shop, catacomb, archealogical dig....i could go on. Instead, I'm going back with my camcorder.
Phenomenal experience of environments and audience exploration. You have to crawl into small spaces, take in wide expanses of junk, be exposed to rooms your not sure you should or even if you want to be in.
I don't want to say much more than......yes. See this.
http://www.hauserwirth.com/exhibitions/index.php?showone=1&exhibition_id=415&setloc=LONDON
Don't go through the pictures if you intend to go through the installation. The pictures tell you nothing of the experience and the journey of going throught his installation. It's mind blowing. It's a mix of a labryinth, set design, theme park, crime scene, privacy invasion, sweat shop, catacomb, archealogical dig....i could go on. Instead, I'm going back with my camcorder.
Phenomenal experience of environments and audience exploration. You have to crawl into small spaces, take in wide expanses of junk, be exposed to rooms your not sure you should or even if you want to be in.
I don't want to say much more than......yes. See this.
Friday, December 01, 2006
This is my free will astrology for this week. Whew....
"They might be small, spiky, and spineless, but they're still family." So begins a National Geographic story about sea urchins, creatures that biologists now know have far more in common with humans than anyone realized. (They share 7,077 genes with us, and are actually on the same branch of the evolutionary tree of life.) Let that opening sentence be your motto during the coming week, Cancerian, as you adjust your attitude towards not only the runts and outcasts of your tribe, but also towards the parts of yourself that you tend to neglect and underestimate. Now say this: "They might be small, spiky, and spineless, but they're still family."
"They might be small, spiky, and spineless, but they're still family." So begins a National Geographic story about sea urchins, creatures that biologists now know have far more in common with humans than anyone realized. (They share 7,077 genes with us, and are actually on the same branch of the evolutionary tree of life.) Let that opening sentence be your motto during the coming week, Cancerian, as you adjust your attitude towards not only the runts and outcasts of your tribe, but also towards the parts of yourself that you tend to neglect and underestimate. Now say this: "They might be small, spiky, and spineless, but they're still family."
Sunday, November 26, 2006
dEAR Friends,
There is a way for us all to talk without paying!! For Free!!! It's called Skype. You can download it from here...SKYPE.com
It's like MSN Messenger only (you can talk and chat and web chat internationally for free) only on Skype you can call actually phones through the internet (that you have to pay for, but it's soooo cheap. A pence a minute to the states, that about half a cent).
Please get on it and then find me by searching my name Jillian Johnson or my email jillianlynn@gmail.com
Then I can look forward to talking to you.
Much Love, Jillian
There is a way for us all to talk without paying!! For Free!!! It's called Skype. You can download it from here...SKYPE.com
It's like MSN Messenger only (you can talk and chat and web chat internationally for free) only on Skype you can call actually phones through the internet (that you have to pay for, but it's soooo cheap. A pence a minute to the states, that about half a cent).
Please get on it and then find me by searching my name Jillian Johnson or my email jillianlynn@gmail.com
Then I can look forward to talking to you.
Much Love, Jillian
Friday, November 24, 2006
So, I have been too lazy to edit the following video so I just put it through an editing program I have on my computer and it did it for me. then I added a song and it's a masterpiece.
This video is from one of our spacelab classes that was held all about london. THe main character in the video is Darren Goad, our teacher. The class started at Embankment tube station and ended at the Gates of Hell (literally, Rodin's sculpture, there is a humungous Rodin exhibit at the Royal Academy of Art. We got to see the Gates of Hell up close!!)
Much Love, Jillian
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
FRIDAY: Okay, so I know I'm doing this out of order, but I an artist and I get to do crazy and illogical stuff.
Friday night I went out Salsa dancing with my friend, Natalie from Puerto Rico, Isabel from Minneapolis, Alexander from London, and a bunch of second year Lispa students. Three of us were Puerto Rican and the club (aptly named "SALSA") played mainly Puerto Rico music. I have never danced salsa before but that didn't matter because I was forced to learn fast. Men would grab and LITERALLY spin you onto the dance floor. And the dancing wasn't typical American style get-into-a-group-and-gyrate. It was all fast paced, high energy dancing. Dancing that makes you feel alive and beats in rhythm with your hips. It was a BLAST. So much fun. I wore my brown suede club dress and I looked hot.
Sadly I must have either kicked someone or been stepped on. The dangers of salsa....
Anyways, we closed down the club and got Falafel on the way home. It was such a night filled with laughter, enjoyment, and delight.
SUNDAY: One of the best nights in London ever!! Sunday Night! Who'd have thought?
So one of my classmates, Seriol from Wales, had his birthday last night and for his birthday we went to a Club called, Notting Hill Arts Club (very formal name for a bohemian arts and music live venue). Here is the description of the evening from their website: http://www.nottinghillartsclub.com/.
"London’s only Balkan/ Russian/ Baltic/ Gypsy/ Klez/ Mash/ Thrash/ Trash/ KULTURKlash!!! is back. Radio Gagarin's bi-monthly Experiments in Sunday Socialism sessions fill Notting Hill Arts Club to overflowing with a tundra melting mix of live music, digital DJ prowess, performance art, east European cinema, poetry, puppetry, poverty, latkes, blinis and vodka."
Emunah, the first band of the evening, was a Jewish Klezmer Hip hop band. There was an amazing violin player that mixed in with a male rapper, a female singer/rapper, a bassist, a guitarist and a guy who alternated between rapping and spinning. They were a great warm up for the rest of the evening. After Emunah, the group of us went to the dance floor where there was a big Man puppet head/mask, a big dog head mask, a bear (woman in costume), and a beard that was passed around. The wearer would either dance with said mask or begin a dance battle with the other mask wearers. It was perposterously fun and absurdly ridiculous. (I'm utilizing my adjectives today.)
The best band of the evening was a huge band called The Destroyers. Horns, Accordion, Dueling Violins, Flute, Guitar....it was hight energy and just plain awe-inspiring fun. Here's their description....
"The Destroyers are a 15 piece group based in Birmingham UK. Brought together by band leader and former starving student Louis Robinson (violin), the band are mix of recovering escapees from Birmingham's Conservatoire and musical firebrands from the Balkans recently arrived in the environs of the hallowed Bullring. Fired by the energy of Eastern European music, the Destroyers diversify and build upon traditional arrangements, whilst remaing true to the roots of their influences, which is to say they take no prisoners, make no apologies and go straight for the juggler on the Gagarin Dancefloor….. a musical force to be worshipped, adored and exalted with one's whole body starting with the feet."
The best part is that I got video of it all and I'm going to be posting it as soon as I have anytime.
So one of my classmates, Seriol from Wales, had his birthday last night and for his birthday we went to a Club called, Notting Hill Arts Club (very formal name for a bohemian arts and music live venue). Here is the description of the evening from their website: http://www.nottinghillartsclub.com/.
"London’s only Balkan/ Russian/ Baltic/ Gypsy/ Klez/ Mash/ Thrash/ Trash/ KULTURKlash!!! is back. Radio Gagarin's bi-monthly Experiments in Sunday Socialism sessions fill Notting Hill Arts Club to overflowing with a tundra melting mix of live music, digital DJ prowess, performance art, east European cinema, poetry, puppetry, poverty, latkes, blinis and vodka."
Emunah, the first band of the evening, was a Jewish Klezmer Hip hop band. There was an amazing violin player that mixed in with a male rapper, a female singer/rapper, a bassist, a guitarist and a guy who alternated between rapping and spinning. They were a great warm up for the rest of the evening. After Emunah, the group of us went to the dance floor where there was a big Man puppet head/mask, a big dog head mask, a bear (woman in costume), and a beard that was passed around. The wearer would either dance with said mask or begin a dance battle with the other mask wearers. It was perposterously fun and absurdly ridiculous. (I'm utilizing my adjectives today.)
The best band of the evening was a huge band called The Destroyers. Horns, Accordion, Dueling Violins, Flute, Guitar....it was hight energy and just plain awe-inspiring fun. Here's their description....
"The Destroyers are a 15 piece group based in Birmingham UK. Brought together by band leader and former starving student Louis Robinson (violin), the band are mix of recovering escapees from Birmingham's Conservatoire and musical firebrands from the Balkans recently arrived in the environs of the hallowed Bullring. Fired by the energy of Eastern European music, the Destroyers diversify and build upon traditional arrangements, whilst remaing true to the roots of their influences, which is to say they take no prisoners, make no apologies and go straight for the juggler on the Gagarin Dancefloor….. a musical force to be worshipped, adored and exalted with one's whole body starting with the feet."
The best part is that I got video of it all and I'm going to be posting it as soon as I have anytime.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Thursday we had voice class. It was a doozy. We first had to find lines of text from a poem that we really enjoy. I chose America by Allen Ginsberg.
"America when will you be angelic?
America when will you take off your clothes
After all it is you and I that are perfect and not the next world"
We whispered this text to our classmates and let it build and affect them till they were saying it. We did this in groups. I was in a group of three with my friends, Ana Mirtha from Spain and Diogo from Portugal. They both had poetry in their mother tongue and it was beautiful. Portuguese is very powerful while the Spanish was light and beautiful. Maybe it was the speakers but it was really interesting and delightful.
That evening a group of us went to the pub down the street, The North Pole, and had drinks and talked. I got home late.....
"America when will you be angelic?
America when will you take off your clothes
After all it is you and I that are perfect and not the next world"
We whispered this text to our classmates and let it build and affect them till they were saying it. We did this in groups. I was in a group of three with my friends, Ana Mirtha from Spain and Diogo from Portugal. They both had poetry in their mother tongue and it was beautiful. Portuguese is very powerful while the Spanish was light and beautiful. Maybe it was the speakers but it was really interesting and delightful.
That evening a group of us went to the pub down the street, The North Pole, and had drinks and talked. I got home late.....
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Holy crap! I've been busy this last weekend. I'm about to start my fourth week of classes and I've been out and about london every night for the past five days. BRILLIANT!
WEDNESDAY:
Carla (classmate from Northern Ireland) and I attempted to go to Caryl Churchill's new play "Drunk Enough to say I love you" at the Royal Court Theatre but the standing room tickets had all been sold out and we weren't interested in paying 25 pound ($50 bucks) for normal tickets. (we're planning to try again this week.) HOWEVER, on the way to the theatre we met up with Marta (classmate from Portugal) and she was on her way to meet up with a friend of hers and so we all decided to grab a bite together. As we were walking to find a place there was a clothing store with a girl out front saying, "Free chocolate, Free Champagne!". Carla, Marta's Friend, and I all just kept walking but marta stopped and asked if we had to buy anything and the girl said NO. The Store was having a little Christmas party. So we went in had free champagne (four glasses), free strawberries dipped in white godiva chocolate and rolled in coconut, free currant tarts, free cake, free godiva chocolate squares, and free FOOD!!! The clothes were all a for older women and totally overpriced.
After that wonderful experience, Carla and I separated from Marta and her friend and went to an Indian restaurant in Notting Hill. I'm not a huge fan of Indian food (Carla convinced me) and it was DELICIOUS. I think the the states just doesn't make very good Indian food, because this place was no five star but the food was great.
WEEKEND INSTALLMENT ONE.........Thursday to come......
WEDNESDAY:
Carla (classmate from Northern Ireland) and I attempted to go to Caryl Churchill's new play "Drunk Enough to say I love you" at the Royal Court Theatre but the standing room tickets had all been sold out and we weren't interested in paying 25 pound ($50 bucks) for normal tickets. (we're planning to try again this week.) HOWEVER, on the way to the theatre we met up with Marta (classmate from Portugal) and she was on her way to meet up with a friend of hers and so we all decided to grab a bite together. As we were walking to find a place there was a clothing store with a girl out front saying, "Free chocolate, Free Champagne!". Carla, Marta's Friend, and I all just kept walking but marta stopped and asked if we had to buy anything and the girl said NO. The Store was having a little Christmas party. So we went in had free champagne (four glasses), free strawberries dipped in white godiva chocolate and rolled in coconut, free currant tarts, free cake, free godiva chocolate squares, and free FOOD!!! The clothes were all a for older women and totally overpriced.
After that wonderful experience, Carla and I separated from Marta and her friend and went to an Indian restaurant in Notting Hill. I'm not a huge fan of Indian food (Carla convinced me) and it was DELICIOUS. I think the the states just doesn't make very good Indian food, because this place was no five star but the food was great.
WEEKEND INSTALLMENT ONE.........Thursday to come......
Monday, November 13, 2006
Sunday, November 05, 2006
I need to sit down and talk a little about where I am in my life right now.
School is amazing. I have been blessed. The program is what Lecoq was before he died. They are taking the pedagogy, evolving it, being true to it, and adding exactly what is needed. Pair that with my own head space. I have grown up alot in the past five months and it is reflected in the way I approach class, heck, the way I approach life. I am accepting of everything. I look at the Universe as an open catalogue where I am achieving my dreams. My dream is to have an internationally touring theatre company that creates moving theatre cultural exchange and social instigation; that (in the broad and romantic scope) changes the world.
At LISPA, I have that dream at my fingertips. Talking to my classmates from around the entire world, they all want the same. Some haven't articulated as well as I have, but once I share my dream their eyes light up and their head nods, their movements get more sweeping and active. I feel my energy bouncing in them and back to me. More than my head and body is being fed here, my spirit is being fed.
Saturday we had Spacelab for two hours, the teacher is a Swiss, named Aurelian Koch. He completed the Lecoq school in 1991. He went back and completed the L.E.M.(it is a separate part of Lecoq's school. essentially Labratory of Movement Studies) and now he works as a designer, puppet maker, freelance set designer. He showed our class some of his work and it was visually awe inspiring. The Spacelab is essentially a form of the L.E.M. for Lispa but it is not a separate course, it is part of our cirriculum.
Everything at LISPA is about experimentation and observation. Nothing is wrong or right because everything is an exploration and has an something interesting about it. This a wonderful place to learn and create from. The master teachers, Thomas Prattki and Amy Russell, conduct classes like a labratory of performance. Try and try again and what did you see, hear, feel, experience.
Our Alexander/Feldenkrais teacher is named Ilan. He is from Israel. He is a short lovely man with a mop of hair that is white as snow. Our class with him this week, he took us to a park. It was slightly chilled but the sun was out and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The first half of class we spent being aware of space and playing games that made us aware of each other. Then towards the end of the class we explored our vision, our whole vision, starting by placing your hand on the sides of your face and then moving our hands out the sides along your peripheral vision. It's amazing how wide your vision is and it is also amazing how exploring the length and wide of your vision makes you feel very open and free and happy. You take in the world more.
Our Acrobatics teacher is a rough brit but he is incredibly skilled and he knows how to work you really hard. my Thigh were burning and sore for three days! But I can see how is execercises are leading towards proper acrobatics and handstands. He has real skill and I feel like he is very familiar with how to push someone to proper physical achievement.
Aside from the wonderous wonderfulness of the school. My classmates charm and encourage me everyday. My flatmates and I had a big party last night, about 70 people came. We laughed, danced, had philosophical discussions, we talked about our dreams, we got out my guitar and my ukulele and played music, sang, and were just all around joyous. There is so much diversity and sooooo much to learn from them. We are already talking about cultural and creative exchange between our countries!!!! (I'm on my way.) When I get the funding for my company, there will be nothing but open doors and interesting theatre to be made. I am going to change the world, bring understanding, move masses of people to believe they can be what they want. Cynicism is the death of creation.
I was sitting in a cafe on Wednesday before my interview for my job. This cafe had a huge front window that looked onto the street. I was in Piccadilly Circus. I was writing in my journal about school and about what I will achieve and a bus pulls up out front the cafe, just waiting at a stoplight. On the bus was written, "We are the People we've been waiting for."
Fucking right we are. I am the person I have been waiting for myself to become.
School is amazing. I have been blessed. The program is what Lecoq was before he died. They are taking the pedagogy, evolving it, being true to it, and adding exactly what is needed. Pair that with my own head space. I have grown up alot in the past five months and it is reflected in the way I approach class, heck, the way I approach life. I am accepting of everything. I look at the Universe as an open catalogue where I am achieving my dreams. My dream is to have an internationally touring theatre company that creates moving theatre cultural exchange and social instigation; that (in the broad and romantic scope) changes the world.
At LISPA, I have that dream at my fingertips. Talking to my classmates from around the entire world, they all want the same. Some haven't articulated as well as I have, but once I share my dream their eyes light up and their head nods, their movements get more sweeping and active. I feel my energy bouncing in them and back to me. More than my head and body is being fed here, my spirit is being fed.
Saturday we had Spacelab for two hours, the teacher is a Swiss, named Aurelian Koch. He completed the Lecoq school in 1991. He went back and completed the L.E.M.(it is a separate part of Lecoq's school. essentially Labratory of Movement Studies) and now he works as a designer, puppet maker, freelance set designer. He showed our class some of his work and it was visually awe inspiring. The Spacelab is essentially a form of the L.E.M. for Lispa but it is not a separate course, it is part of our cirriculum.
Everything at LISPA is about experimentation and observation. Nothing is wrong or right because everything is an exploration and has an something interesting about it. This a wonderful place to learn and create from. The master teachers, Thomas Prattki and Amy Russell, conduct classes like a labratory of performance. Try and try again and what did you see, hear, feel, experience.
Our Alexander/Feldenkrais teacher is named Ilan. He is from Israel. He is a short lovely man with a mop of hair that is white as snow. Our class with him this week, he took us to a park. It was slightly chilled but the sun was out and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The first half of class we spent being aware of space and playing games that made us aware of each other. Then towards the end of the class we explored our vision, our whole vision, starting by placing your hand on the sides of your face and then moving our hands out the sides along your peripheral vision. It's amazing how wide your vision is and it is also amazing how exploring the length and wide of your vision makes you feel very open and free and happy. You take in the world more.
Our Acrobatics teacher is a rough brit but he is incredibly skilled and he knows how to work you really hard. my Thigh were burning and sore for three days! But I can see how is execercises are leading towards proper acrobatics and handstands. He has real skill and I feel like he is very familiar with how to push someone to proper physical achievement.
Aside from the wonderous wonderfulness of the school. My classmates charm and encourage me everyday. My flatmates and I had a big party last night, about 70 people came. We laughed, danced, had philosophical discussions, we talked about our dreams, we got out my guitar and my ukulele and played music, sang, and were just all around joyous. There is so much diversity and sooooo much to learn from them. We are already talking about cultural and creative exchange between our countries!!!! (I'm on my way.) When I get the funding for my company, there will be nothing but open doors and interesting theatre to be made. I am going to change the world, bring understanding, move masses of people to believe they can be what they want. Cynicism is the death of creation.
I was sitting in a cafe on Wednesday before my interview for my job. This cafe had a huge front window that looked onto the street. I was in Piccadilly Circus. I was writing in my journal about school and about what I will achieve and a bus pulls up out front the cafe, just waiting at a stoplight. On the bus was written, "We are the People we've been waiting for."
Fucking right we are. I am the person I have been waiting for myself to become.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Portobello Road.
Today I went shopping on Portobello road. I got a Pomegrante, two red peppers, 3 zuchinni (called "courgettes" here), a sweet potato, goat cheese, 5 figs, and a loaf of Rosemary and Potato bread. All for under 5 pounds. You can bet this country girl is coming back.
It was all open air, local farmer, organic, and beautiful. Why don't we have this in the states? Why don't farmers have stalls anymore? Why do we shop in Grocery stores? THEY SUCK. Just standing next to the stall made me feel healthy and good. All of the colors and smells of the market were lovely. I talked and joked with the seller while next to her another seller was barking advertisments about what they offered.
This felt wholesome. It felt right. Flourescent lights, blue light specials, canned vegetables.....that feels not right.
Umm....did i mention I really like it here?
Today I went shopping on Portobello road. I got a Pomegrante, two red peppers, 3 zuchinni (called "courgettes" here), a sweet potato, goat cheese, 5 figs, and a loaf of Rosemary and Potato bread. All for under 5 pounds. You can bet this country girl is coming back.
It was all open air, local farmer, organic, and beautiful. Why don't we have this in the states? Why don't farmers have stalls anymore? Why do we shop in Grocery stores? THEY SUCK. Just standing next to the stall made me feel healthy and good. All of the colors and smells of the market were lovely. I talked and joked with the seller while next to her another seller was barking advertisments about what they offered.
This felt wholesome. It felt right. Flourescent lights, blue light specials, canned vegetables.....that feels not right.
Umm....did i mention I really like it here?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Tate Modern = A little piece of heavenI spent 5 and a half hours at the Tate Modern museum yesterday. It was phenomenal. All of the artists that have moved me, inspired me, or awed me were there. Duchamp, Dali, Picasso, Calder, Picabia, Pollock, Ernst. My mind was blown.
I breathed next the Alexander Calder's mobiles, I could have touched (but I didn't) Jackson Pollocks paint, I stood next to a reproduction by Richard Hamilton of Duchamp's Large Glass. I'm not much into celebrity, but I have to admit I was star struck.
I even found more art to confound and amaze me. If you get a chance look up Christian Marclay and his music/movie/collage work. It was amazing. Also the main exhibit was by a guy named Holler. He made tube slides that you could slide down from the 2nd, third, and fourth floors of the Tate. At the bottom of the slide I hung out for bit watching people. There wasn't one person young or old who didn't get off the slide with a smile. Lovely.One room was dark with a rectangle projection on one wall. The video projected was of a lighthouse beacon rotating. It would switch from the sunset and the lighthouse beacon to a direct shot of the mirrored bulb casing that rotated. It was beautiful, hypnotic, and magical. The mirrors in the light casing would occasionally reflect the sea then reflect the light. It was the combination of nature and man. It really paralleled how the sun is our earth's beacon as a lighthouse is a ship's beacon. Gorgeous. I sat in the room for about 45 minutes and floated though the next part of the museum.
Another thing......check out the artist/mayor of Albanian and how he decided to use color (building painting) to revitalize the country. I can't remember the last name of the artist that did a video on this guy and his city. Anri Sala is his name.
Awesome. And I mean that in the true sense of the word. AWEsome.
Much Love, Jillian
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
So, I am getting my much needed rest time. I've been spending that time packing, planning, seeing family and friends, talking to classmates, doing copious amounts of Laundry (and I mean COPIOUS, my brother's (8 loads) and mine(3)), and watching the TV series LOST. In four days, I'm coming close to the last three episodes and trying to figure out if I want to buy the next season...if I have time to watch it.
This is the slowest my life has been in a long time and probably the slowest it will be for a long time. I'm lathering myself in free time. It's nice. I'm not feeling bad for it either. I'm enjoying it;m writing, doing meditation, taking long walks in the country side, working through myself internally.
Holy crap, by the end of this week, I will be so prepared to move to another country and start grad school.....hell yes.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
I am back in the town I grew up in for a week before I leave for London. I'm going to be spending this time packing (two suitcases, a carry-on, my uke, and a purse are all I have to pack my life in), getting money ready, working for my dad and brother a little, and seeing family and friends.
I thought that this week would be a recuperation week but it definitely doesn't look like it's going to be relaxing. However the best thing about being home always is the country. It's beautiful out here.
Rolling hills, farms, ranches, and mountains. The morning after I arrived home my brother needed help sodding his backyard and boy am I tired. (I even got a blister.)
But hey, hard work never killed anyone right?
Me and my bro, done for the day.
Anyways, t-minus 5 days and counting till I take off for England. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Woohoo!
I thought that this week would be a recuperation week but it definitely doesn't look like it's going to be relaxing. However the best thing about being home always is the country. It's beautiful out here.
Rolling hills, farms, ranches, and mountains. The morning after I arrived home my brother needed help sodding his backyard and boy am I tired. (I even got a blister.)
But hey, hard work never killed anyone right?
Me and my bro, done for the day.
Anyways, t-minus 5 days and counting till I take off for England. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Woohoo!
Monday, September 25, 2006
A few months ago I was reading and studying Buddhism. It is the only organized religion that I can see myself having a strong faith in. Lately I have been on a very spiritual journey, induced by huge changes occuring in my life (i.e. moving to a new country, starting grad school, ending a relationship, leaving friends and family, health issues....) and in my meditation one contemplation that I read when I was studying Buddhism is coming back to me.
Contemplate the Corpse. I contemplate the decay of a corpse from human to dust and I think about how all we have becomes dust in a matter of time. All that is left is your spirit or your soul, even that becomes part of everything. So I meditate on detachment and personal solidarity. If I have nothing, I have me and I am part of everything. I have me.
Sometimes it comes to me as "Starting over at Zero". If all I have is me, then that is a wonderful thing that I have. My spirit or my essence is a strong foundation for amazing things. My essence is strength, emotion, vulnerability, motivation, observation, and beauty. Those are great building blocks. I'm a great person!
This meditation reinforces my future. Everything is possibly if you intend it. My friend Dani and I have been talking about the power of thoughts and how you think of things. If you want something, imagine that you have it already and the universe will be affected by your thoughts. It's a fun outlook on life. It's looking at the world like it is a plentiful, bountiful and overflowing space that offers all you need. You just need to imagine it and believe. The man who writes free will astrology has a book called, "PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings". It's just an outlook that can change everything about your experience.
Our thoughts, positive or negative, have so much power. It is my choice to think positively and in such a manner that I can achieve all of the things I desire.
I just need to put it out there!
Oh, and every strong female friend I have should read the comic book series by Alan Moore. "Promethea".
Contemplate the Corpse. I contemplate the decay of a corpse from human to dust and I think about how all we have becomes dust in a matter of time. All that is left is your spirit or your soul, even that becomes part of everything. So I meditate on detachment and personal solidarity. If I have nothing, I have me and I am part of everything. I have me.
Sometimes it comes to me as "Starting over at Zero". If all I have is me, then that is a wonderful thing that I have. My spirit or my essence is a strong foundation for amazing things. My essence is strength, emotion, vulnerability, motivation, observation, and beauty. Those are great building blocks. I'm a great person!
This meditation reinforces my future. Everything is possibly if you intend it. My friend Dani and I have been talking about the power of thoughts and how you think of things. If you want something, imagine that you have it already and the universe will be affected by your thoughts. It's a fun outlook on life. It's looking at the world like it is a plentiful, bountiful and overflowing space that offers all you need. You just need to imagine it and believe. The man who writes free will astrology has a book called, "PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings". It's just an outlook that can change everything about your experience.Our thoughts, positive or negative, have so much power. It is my choice to think positively and in such a manner that I can achieve all of the things I desire.
I just need to put it out there!
Oh, and every strong female friend I have should read the comic book series by Alan Moore. "Promethea".
Friday, September 22, 2006
*******************REMINDER THIS VOTING SEASON*******************************
NO on MEASURE 43, Be aware of bad legistlation
So I spent a part of my weekend (two weekends ago) volunteering at the Clackamas County fair for Planned Parenthood and it is something I must share. I sat in a booth and watched people walk by and as they read planned parenthood sign they would either come forward and ask why we were there or they would squinch their nose up and try to walk away. At first I have to admit, I was happy to see the squinchy faced people walk away. I wasn't sure what my purpose was there except to support Planned Parenthood and support the right to choose.
But after an hour of watching the coordinater, Samantha, take on people, aggressively asking almost everyone that passed by whether they were Pro-choice (FYI Clackamas county is VERY conservative. Some analysts say that their voters were the deciding factor in passing the Anti-Gay marriage bill. They are majority right wing republican and Pro-Life.) I started to understand why we were there. We were NOT there to change anybodies minds. A short conversation at a County fair is not going to overturn deep felt moral opinions. We were there to oppose a very badly written, unsafe, unrealistic initiative that is on the ballot in October. It's called Ballot Measure 43.
NON-OREGONIANS: There are 43 other states dealing with measure much the same as this one. California is fighting the same initiative and they are predicting it will pass. Please, check it out in your area.
Here's some info on the initiative: "On July 25, the Oregon Secretary of State’s Office certified that a mandated parental notification measure will be on the November ballot. This is a near replica of the notification measure that Oregonians rejected in 1990. Like that measure, this initiative would change Oregon law to prohibit an older teen who is 15, 16, or 17 year old from seeking abortion care from a medical professional unless a parent receives a mandatory written notification letter at least 48 hours in advance. There are no exceptions for rape and incest and doctors could be sued if the parent doesn’t get the notification letter. Current Oregon law requires minors 14 years old or younger to obtain parental consent before any treatment.
1. Measure 43 isn’t written for the real world Not every child is raised in a stable, healthy household – news reports about abuse and sexual assault from family members confirm this almost every day. Requiring notice to the very people who may be responsible for the assault makes a bad situation worse. Troubled teens at risk need a counselor, or a doctor, not a judge, and not a notice in the mail to the abusive parent.
2. Measure 43 could drive a troubled teen to put their health in jeopardy Desperate teens that live in homes filled with abuse or violence could put their lives and health in jeopardy by seeking illegal abortions from unlicensed providers.
3. Measure 43 is unworkable If a teen wants to bypass the notification provision, she is required to go through a bureaucratic process run by the Department of Human Services that requires her to plead her case before an administrative law judge, who can take two weeks to reach a decision. Administrative law judges usually deal with permits and license disputes, and aren’t even required to be lawyers.
4. Measure 43 is not necessary Oregon’s teen pregnancy rate has declined by 39% over the past ten years as a result of strong prevention and education programs. And surveys have shown that 75% of teens voluntarily consult a parent when faced with an unwanted pregnancy."
First of all. VOTE. Second of all VOTE NO ON MEASURE 43. This measure is NOT about whether you are Pro-Life or Pro-Choice. It's about abuse of the system, protecting teens, forcing the government to be a parent, and it's really about fanaticism out of check. You can be a check and balance with your vote.
Oregon Right to Life is not really pushing this in the media because they don't want to activate Pro-Choice voters. They are hoping this measure slides by because People will say "Hey, a parent should know when their Child is going to have an Abortion". But that is not the issue. Parents who have good relationships with their kids WILL KNOW about their kids wanting an abortion. My mother is the first person I go to when I have a big problem and she always has been. This Measure will only serve to hurt kids (kids that can't vote, by the way) who have bad relationship with their parents, are unable to afford health care because of their financial or social situation and those that are put into a horrible, humiliating situation. THERE IS NO EXEMPTION FOR RAPE OR INCEST. This means that a girl could be raped by her father and she will have to go to her father to have him sign off of the abortion.
Please vote, get the word out. ESPECIALLY, talk to people who are Pro-Life. Don't shame them or try to get into a moral battle. Just explain why this measure will not serve any good and actually will hurt our society and add more red tape. Republican values are set on less government. This measure is trying to make the government a parent. No one should agree with it.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Even though he is very mild mannered, this commentary gave me chills.
Go here if you can't view...
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Today is a better day. Much Better.
I contacted several different friends who know me on several different levels and in different aspects.It was like I had mulitple personalities and they were all giving me advice based on the different aspects of myself. It was incredibly helpful. It's a real gift to be able to ask multiple people for advice.
The best advice I got, was that everything is right. There is no wrong direction. Whatever I do I'll come out all right because I am resilient, strong, and I can make things happen. All paths are the right path. All directions lead to great things.
Futures so bright......it's always going to be bright......it's all in your outlook.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Today is quite possibly one of the crappiest mornings ever.
I feel lost. I feel wrong. I feel like everything is just not right.
I cried last night while in bed for no reason. I could try to attach reason to it, but that would make it too easy to write off. After crying, I couldn't sleep so i picked up a pen and notebook and wrote for an hour. I felt a little better after writing down everything that I want in life, writing a little about how I feel in my life right now, and wrote a little about what I should do to make the way I feel about life improve.
Then I started watching a DVD my friend Dani gave me and I fell asleep to this video.
This morning I woke up kinda shaky. I recently moved in with two wonderful friends and so I'm figuring out how to get around. It was raining...well, it was pouring. The kind of rain that soaks you like a swimming pool in 5 minutes. That was nice. I enjoy rain. It's cooling and beautiful. It smells like peace and sounds like happiness. I love rain. Quiet joy.
The peace ended as soon as a got to work. I had tons of left over work from being sick on Friday and I didn't get breakfast because I haven't gone shopping for food yet. Then the feelings I had last night that made me start to cry came back. They came something like this....
I'm unsure about whether LISPA is the right program for me, or just the one right now. Is it really going to be a good investment....
In the last four months, I've been accepted to grad school, planning to move to another country, lost my best friend and closest confidant, lost a lover, moved out of my home, had my trust and honor totally offended, reconnected with old friends I haven't talked to in months, connected with new friends I will meet in a month, performed in a dance theatre show that was outstanding and fun, and solidified what I want for my future, esstentially finally understood what my dream is.
Holy Crap. I'm reeling and questioning and excited and sad and happy and worried and confident and weak and strong and violated and secure and....and....and...
Nothing about my life right now is normal, conventional, or boring.
I feel so confused. I feel so lost.....what a shitty morning.
I feel lost. I feel wrong. I feel like everything is just not right.
I cried last night while in bed for no reason. I could try to attach reason to it, but that would make it too easy to write off. After crying, I couldn't sleep so i picked up a pen and notebook and wrote for an hour. I felt a little better after writing down everything that I want in life, writing a little about how I feel in my life right now, and wrote a little about what I should do to make the way I feel about life improve.
Then I started watching a DVD my friend Dani gave me and I fell asleep to this video.
This morning I woke up kinda shaky. I recently moved in with two wonderful friends and so I'm figuring out how to get around. It was raining...well, it was pouring. The kind of rain that soaks you like a swimming pool in 5 minutes. That was nice. I enjoy rain. It's cooling and beautiful. It smells like peace and sounds like happiness. I love rain. Quiet joy.
The peace ended as soon as a got to work. I had tons of left over work from being sick on Friday and I didn't get breakfast because I haven't gone shopping for food yet. Then the feelings I had last night that made me start to cry came back. They came something like this....
I'm unsure about whether LISPA is the right program for me, or just the one right now. Is it really going to be a good investment....
In the last four months, I've been accepted to grad school, planning to move to another country, lost my best friend and closest confidant, lost a lover, moved out of my home, had my trust and honor totally offended, reconnected with old friends I haven't talked to in months, connected with new friends I will meet in a month, performed in a dance theatre show that was outstanding and fun, and solidified what I want for my future, esstentially finally understood what my dream is.
Holy Crap. I'm reeling and questioning and excited and sad and happy and worried and confident and weak and strong and violated and secure and....and....and...
Nothing about my life right now is normal, conventional, or boring.
I feel so confused. I feel so lost.....what a shitty morning.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Today, I am sicker than a dog. I can't breath straight out of my nose and I cough those kind of coughs that sound like I have been smoking three packs a day and drinking glue. The kind that make you want to upchuck when you hear them on the bus.
Anyways.
I'm still giddy about school, my goodbye party, seeing friends, and doing this dance for Nature Theatre of Oklahoma for the TBA fest. I preform tonight and I home sick right now. We'll see how that works out. It's only eight minutes of dance, I can hold my breath for that long......
I am moving into a friend's house this weekend. I'm kind of excited. Well, yes I'll have to start paying for food but I'll get to know my two friends more before I leave and have a good ole time. Woooaaahh....two weeks left in Portland and then my life changes forever. I'm sooo looking forward to it. Portland has been good to me. I've learned so much from the people and from myself being in it. I wish I would have gotten more involved politically and I wish I would have performed more, but I don't regret anything. Portland will hold a special place in my heart. I want to visit someday, but I doubt I will ever live here again.
I'm glad I sold my car months ago because I've been given the opportunity to see Portland by walking. If I can give anyone advice on how to appreciate their surroundings....sell your car and start walking. You become aware that there is so much you pass by in a car. So much you are disconnected from in a car. A car really narrows your awareness. You only think of where you are going to get to and where you are coming from. There is a whole world in between and when you walk, you can't NOT see it. Unless you put on headphones and blinders. I've learned to appreciate the speed of walking and the gifts it gives. I'm nothing but thankful.
Anyways.
I'm still giddy about school, my goodbye party, seeing friends, and doing this dance for Nature Theatre of Oklahoma for the TBA fest. I preform tonight and I home sick right now. We'll see how that works out. It's only eight minutes of dance, I can hold my breath for that long......
I am moving into a friend's house this weekend. I'm kind of excited. Well, yes I'll have to start paying for food but I'll get to know my two friends more before I leave and have a good ole time. Woooaaahh....two weeks left in Portland and then my life changes forever. I'm sooo looking forward to it. Portland has been good to me. I've learned so much from the people and from myself being in it. I wish I would have gotten more involved politically and I wish I would have performed more, but I don't regret anything. Portland will hold a special place in my heart. I want to visit someday, but I doubt I will ever live here again.
I'm glad I sold my car months ago because I've been given the opportunity to see Portland by walking. If I can give anyone advice on how to appreciate their surroundings....sell your car and start walking. You become aware that there is so much you pass by in a car. So much you are disconnected from in a car. A car really narrows your awareness. You only think of where you are going to get to and where you are coming from. There is a whole world in between and when you walk, you can't NOT see it. Unless you put on headphones and blinders. I've learned to appreciate the speed of walking and the gifts it gives. I'm nothing but thankful.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
the show with zefrank
the show with zefrank
the show with zefrank
the show with zefrank
Yes. This is Ze Frank. He is extremely interesting to watch talk.
This morning I was riding the bus and sitting next to a cute guy. Of course, at 7:45am on the bus no one really talks to anyone and so I kept knitting and he kept looking down at his show and everyone else kept doing their individual morning bus action. The bus was very quiet except for squeaky brakes and a cough here and there.
But at the next stop, three adorable little girl tumble onto the bus, oblivious to the individualized solitude of morning bus riders. The first little girl stopped and looked down the length of the bus as if she had never been on one (or perhaps it was just the austerity or seriousness of the people) and with a huge open face and wonderfully loud girly voice said, "WOW"!
I couldn't help but smile and chuckle. Neither could the relatively attractive guy I was sitting with. But no one else on the bus broke their self involved silence. We two in our seat laughed a little more for being the only ones to have broken free of the monkish morning bus persona. We kept watching the little girls interact with each other and bounce from one side of the bus to the other figuring out their seating arrangments (very important to 2 year olds!!). One of the girls was carrying the lunches in a little wicker basket. She belonged on a hallmark card that says something about sunny skies and being happy. She continually would call for her older sister to come sit next to her, but the sister was playing the "I'm too old for you" game and finally the grandmother sat down next to the little one in order to make her stop asking.
The guy next to me made some comments about how cute they were and about the politics going on with the big and little sisters. It was lovely to talk to someone on the bus whom you shared laughter with. As we got off the bus at my stop we chatted a little more. He asked me what I was knitting and I told him about London. Time was getting short and I had to get to work and then there was an awkward "Have a nice day!" And I was off walking down the street.
But I was joyful. If those girls hadn't broken me out of my morning bus blindness I might of had a mediocre morning. But instead, I walked to work with a bounce in my step and a bit of a blush left over from meeting someone and sharing something nice on the bus.
How Great!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
FREE WILL ASTROLOGYCancer Horoscope for week of September 14, 2006
Those of us born under the sign of Cancer the Crab are sometimes pathologically self-sufficient. We can dole out love in abundance but be conflicted about asking for and accepting the love we need. Keep that warning in mind as you meditate on the following advice: It's high time to love yourself more and better--to experiment with new strategies for taking care of yourself, nurturing your creativity, and providing yourself with pleasure. Just don't let this honorable work blind you to the gifts that other people want to bless you with.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
One of my favorite poems:
America
by Allen Ginsberg
America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twenty-seven cents January 17, 1956.
I can't stand my own mind.
America when will we end the human war?
Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb I don't feel good don't bother me.
I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind.
America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?
When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?
America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back it's sinister.
Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
I'm trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I'm doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for murder.
America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid and I'm not sorry.
I smoke marijuana every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.
When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.
My mind is made up there's going to be trouble.
You should have seen me reading Marx.
My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right.
I won't say the Lord's Prayer.
I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.
America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over from Russia.
I'm addressing you.
Are you going to let our emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
I'm obsessed by Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It's always telling me about responsibility.
Businessmen are serious. Movie producers are serious. Everybody's serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.
Asia is rising against me.
I haven't got a chinaman's chance.
I'd better consider my national resources.
My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals an unpublishable private literature that goes 1400 miles and hour and twentyfivethousand mental institutions.
I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underpriviliged who live in my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns.
I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go.
My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I'm a Catholic.
America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his automobiles
more so they're all different sexes
America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe
America free Tom Mooney
America save the Spanish Loyalists
America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die
America I am the Scottsboro boys.
America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell meetings they sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the workers it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing the party was in 1935 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother Bloor made me cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have been a spy.
America you don're really want to go to war.
America it's them bad Russians.
Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians. The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power mad.
She wants to take our cars from out our garages.
Her wants to grab Chicago.
Her needs a Red Reader's Digest.
her wants our auto plants in Siberia.
Him big bureaucracy running our fillingstations.
That no good. Ugh. Him makes Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers.
Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help.
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts factories,
I'm nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
America
by Allen Ginsberg
America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twenty-seven cents January 17, 1956.
I can't stand my own mind.
America when will we end the human war?
Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb I don't feel good don't bother me.
I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind.
America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?
When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?
America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back it's sinister.
Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
I'm trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I'm doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for murder.
America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid and I'm not sorry.
I smoke marijuana every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.
When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.
My mind is made up there's going to be trouble.
You should have seen me reading Marx.
My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right.
I won't say the Lord's Prayer.
I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.
America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over from Russia.
I'm addressing you.
Are you going to let our emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
I'm obsessed by Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It's always telling me about responsibility.
Businessmen are serious. Movie producers are serious. Everybody's serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.
Asia is rising against me.
I haven't got a chinaman's chance.
I'd better consider my national resources.
My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals an unpublishable private literature that goes 1400 miles and hour and twentyfivethousand mental institutions.
I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underpriviliged who live in my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns.
I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go.
My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I'm a Catholic.
America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his automobiles
more so they're all different sexes
America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe
America free Tom Mooney
America save the Spanish Loyalists
America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die
America I am the Scottsboro boys.
America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell meetings they sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the workers it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing the party was in 1935 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother Bloor made me cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have been a spy.
America you don're really want to go to war.
America it's them bad Russians.
Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians. The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power mad.
She wants to take our cars from out our garages.
Her wants to grab Chicago.
Her needs a Red Reader's Digest.
her wants our auto plants in Siberia.
Him big bureaucracy running our fillingstations.
That no good. Ugh. Him makes Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers.
Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help.
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts factories,
I'm nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
(I am reposting this here. I wrote this blog entry on Myspace on August 26th. Each time I read it, I am empowered. )
Have you ever watched a movie that explained clearly something to you about your life? That chronicled the flow and feelings of your past and future, without reenacting the events.
The movie was Australian. It won the 1985 Australian Academy Award for Best Picture. I grabbed it off of the shelf at the library because I liked the name and the movie description intrigued me. Its called Bliss.
This movie was made in 1985. I was five years old then, but as I watched it today, it was a profound commentary on my past and present (and probably future) without actually reenacting anything I have lived through or likely will live through. It was poetic, magical, grotesque, comical, and profound. It mixed modern day decay with the possibility for wholesome existence. The tone, style and flow of the film felt like my own. Elements of the movie were in fact part of my personal history: advertising, being out of touch with nature, a huge life change, and the pursuit of a wholesome way of living. But it exaggerated life. It added magical elements to reality. It dealt with the way of living and dying.
It reminded me why love storytelling in art; why people tell stories, why my passion is to tell stories with theatre, and why I create what I do. Why my favorite book is 100 years of solitude and like water for chocolate. It is something that resonates throughout my body. Reality heightened.
It reminded me of why I attempt to transcend modern existence with art, what I love about life and why I wish to perform and to create onstage that love in a production. Magic. Magical realism. It made me realize the magic in life and the magic that I have in me to create with. I want to pursue the elevation of life to a heightened level. Not just in theatre but in everyday living. Living life with the fact that magic is in everything. It is in as much as you believe it can be in. Not just in a theatre where you suspend your disbelief or at the fingertips of a magician who is palming a coin.but that it actually exists. Embracing, some would see this as naivety, as a principle and the foundation of this world that the unexplained, surreal, and magical happens.
I believe in fate and its variableness. I believe that the environment guides you towards your intended path and that you will never know what that path is. And that not knowing is a wonderful and nourishing thing. I believe that if you close your eyes and imagine your are flying, if you really free your imagination and feel the wind, smell the air, feel the air pressure change and hear the earth below.then your really are flying even if someone watching you says that you are just sitting with your eyes closed. I believe there are separate dimensions and worlds within every person. And that death is just a physical removal from this world. You can come back; you just arent seen and viewed by othersunless they close their eyes.
The world we live in, this modern day world that we pollute, we cultivate, we decay, we purify, is beautiful. It is astoundingly complex and unique. There is so much of it, so many inhabitants on it. I love it. All of the foods, flowers, people, valleys, mountains, rivers, oceans, plants..its breathtaking and unbelievable. But I believe that it is only part of our existence. That other part is behind our eyelids and in our imaginations. And that world is just as complex and wonderful.
Marvelous. Just marvelous. This is great. I want to share it and be in it.
Have you ever watched a movie that explained clearly something to you about your life? That chronicled the flow and feelings of your past and future, without reenacting the events.
The movie was Australian. It won the 1985 Australian Academy Award for Best Picture. I grabbed it off of the shelf at the library because I liked the name and the movie description intrigued me. Its called Bliss.
This movie was made in 1985. I was five years old then, but as I watched it today, it was a profound commentary on my past and present (and probably future) without actually reenacting anything I have lived through or likely will live through. It was poetic, magical, grotesque, comical, and profound. It mixed modern day decay with the possibility for wholesome existence. The tone, style and flow of the film felt like my own. Elements of the movie were in fact part of my personal history: advertising, being out of touch with nature, a huge life change, and the pursuit of a wholesome way of living. But it exaggerated life. It added magical elements to reality. It dealt with the way of living and dying.
It reminded me why love storytelling in art; why people tell stories, why my passion is to tell stories with theatre, and why I create what I do. Why my favorite book is 100 years of solitude and like water for chocolate. It is something that resonates throughout my body. Reality heightened.
It reminded me of why I attempt to transcend modern existence with art, what I love about life and why I wish to perform and to create onstage that love in a production. Magic. Magical realism. It made me realize the magic in life and the magic that I have in me to create with. I want to pursue the elevation of life to a heightened level. Not just in theatre but in everyday living. Living life with the fact that magic is in everything. It is in as much as you believe it can be in. Not just in a theatre where you suspend your disbelief or at the fingertips of a magician who is palming a coin.but that it actually exists. Embracing, some would see this as naivety, as a principle and the foundation of this world that the unexplained, surreal, and magical happens.
I believe in fate and its variableness. I believe that the environment guides you towards your intended path and that you will never know what that path is. And that not knowing is a wonderful and nourishing thing. I believe that if you close your eyes and imagine your are flying, if you really free your imagination and feel the wind, smell the air, feel the air pressure change and hear the earth below.then your really are flying even if someone watching you says that you are just sitting with your eyes closed. I believe there are separate dimensions and worlds within every person. And that death is just a physical removal from this world. You can come back; you just arent seen and viewed by othersunless they close their eyes.
The world we live in, this modern day world that we pollute, we cultivate, we decay, we purify, is beautiful. It is astoundingly complex and unique. There is so much of it, so many inhabitants on it. I love it. All of the foods, flowers, people, valleys, mountains, rivers, oceans, plants..its breathtaking and unbelievable. But I believe that it is only part of our existence. That other part is behind our eyelids and in our imaginations. And that world is just as complex and wonderful.
Marvelous. Just marvelous. This is great. I want to share it and be in it.
I'm going to post info about me, London, thoughts, highlights, political grumbles, and whatnot here instead of in Myspace. This place feels more nuturing and less immature.
Here is my meditation for today:
Let go of the past! Let go of the future! Let go of the present and cross over to the farther shore of existence. With your mind wholly liberated, you shall come no more to birth and death. - Buddha
And right after I read my meditation I went to Postsecret and read these three postcards:
Here is my meditation for today:
Let go of the past! Let go of the future! Let go of the present and cross over to the farther shore of existence. With your mind wholly liberated, you shall come no more to birth and death. - Buddha
And right after I read my meditation I went to Postsecret and read these three postcards:
For some reason, Life resonates very strongly with me right now. I don't necessarily want to go off and become buddha like into the ether. I want to stay here and revel in our existence filled with desire, pain, hurt, love, exasperation, and idiocy. I'll be Buddha later.....:)
Everything is personal and yet absolutely foreign.
My meditation yesterday was: "In order to be effective truth must penetrate like an arrow - and that is likely to hurt."
I feel very guided by fate right now. I feel messages are being sent to me from the universe and I only need but follow without fear or judgement.
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